Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5 (Xbox 360) Reviews

(Hello reader, My name is Eric S. I recently had a meeting with Mr Doominator regarding the video game Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5 and what his opinion on it was. What followed was a half hour of what can only be described as mankind reverting back to its most primal nature, with most of my clients' words consisting of grunting, yelling, and an excessive use of profane language. I have done my best to translate my clients' views on the game for you to read. Enjoy.)

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5 was released in 2015 from long time series veterans Robomodo. It was the 10th game in the main series (excluding spin-offs such as Downhill Jam and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater HD), and sadly the last, as the rights to the THPS franchise were no longer in Activision's hands following the end of the 2015 fiscal year. (My client pointed out that fiscal years can vary by company, and Activision's ended on September 30th, 2015. THPS5 was originally released on September 29th, with the last generation versions following a few months later)

My client pointed out that game has more similarities to 2012's Tony Hawk's Pro Skater HD than the original four Pro Skater games made by Neversoft Entertainment. (At this point, my client was overwhelmed with rage; screaming and shouting "Neversoft" over and over again. My presumption is that the Neversoft games were very poorly made and this is bringing back bad memories for my client. The physics engine, graphics, and overall presentation is much the same as THPS HD.

My client's first observation was the layout and design of the menus. Nothing spectacular, but functional. He started laughing uncontrollably when he suggested I look at the 'options' menu, which consisted of only a few volume options and a legal agreement.

The next topic we discussed was the content of the game. The create-a-skater and create-a-park modes, which I believe were in the older THPS games, make an appearance. My client commented on these, calling them "barebones" and "puny." He also remarked on the character selection, with a phrase that I believe was supposed to be "who the hell is that?" (From what I understand, many of the characters would be recognizable by skateboarding fans, but not necessarily by longtime fans of the franchise. My client also made a comment about skateboarding 'not being relevant since 2003' but I'm sure he's the only one who thinks this)

Next we talked about the levels. Each of the seven levels in the game felt very similar to my client, and all had to include some "retarded gimmick" (my clients words, not mine) such as a double jump or anti-gravity modification. He also mentioned how this is now the fourth time that the "warehouse" level from Pro Skater 1 has shown up in this franchise. He called it "lazy" but I think he's just misled; it's clearly a labor of love to bring back this level once more.

We next talked about the actual gameplay of this title. My client at multiple intervals shouted the phase, and I quote; "why the fuck would you use the Unreal Engine for a sports game," citing the use of the Unreal Engine 3 for this title. I did not understand his complaints, as several high profile games, such as 2007's Turning Point: Fall of Liberty, also used this engine. My client was also crashing into walls and other objects constantly, and on several occasions fell through the floor itself. He is clearly terrible at this game!

We discussed the "slam" mechanic, which was new to THPS5. This mechanic lets you "slam" yourself down to the ground by tapping the Y button. Screaming followed. I should note that this mechanic was modified from the original Xbox One and Playstation 4 release, and is now executed by double tapping the button rather than a single button press. This fact did not help matters in this interview, however.

It is also worth mentioning that the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 versions of THPS5 do not have any online functionality outside of the create-a-park mode. My client said mumbled something that sounded like "not that any other dumbasses would pay money for this" but when I asked him to repeat this, he made a rude gesture towards me.

When the topic of the soundtrack came up, my client calmed down slightly. He said he was "pleasantly surprised" by the soundtrack, which featured artists such as Death From Above 1979, Black Pistol Fire, and Royal Blood. He said he was "very surprised" by some inclusions such as protopunk (I do not know what this word means) band Death, though he went into detail how he did not enjoy the Skrillex song. He also commented on how this was now the fourth Robomodo title where you could not customize the soundtrack. I say if it is not broken, don't fix it. Ha ha ha.

Here were my client's final words on this title, edited for readability.
"I did not enjoy Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5, which is tragic because I had high expectations for this title. However, I believe that success never comes without failure at some point, so I wish the talented team at Robomodo all the best in their future endeavors."

A chair was then thrown at my head.

First of all for a 2015, again yeah 2015 game this is truly awful, the mechanics and graphics make no sense for a “newer” game.
BUT for a game in general, I thought it was pretty fun after a while. The controls were fresh after playing the same ones for decades. But yeah it’s nothing to write home about, only recommend for open minded players.
But still WAY better than shitty THPG imo

First of all for a 2015, again yeah 2015 game this is truly awful, the mechanics and graphics make no sense for a “newer” game.
BUT for a game in general, I thought it was pretty fun after a while. The controls were fresh after playing the same ones for decades. But yeah it’s nothing to write home about, only recommend for open minded players.
But still WAY better than shitty THPG imo

Greetings, dear reader.

Let me start by saying that this is my first review for anything EVER. I have played lots of games, watched a lot of movies, even read the occasional book. And each time my 'review' for them wouldn't be any longer than five sentences. That is not to say they are bad, I just don't have that much experience reviewing anything. Having said all this:

THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A 'GAME' HAS NO REASON TO EXIST ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM.

*ahem* Let's start a bit from the beginning.

I am a Pakistani gamer who is a huge fan of the THPS series (hard to believe for most people). I have played multiple entries from the franchise multiple times. When this game was first announced, I was first sceptical about it's release, but being an optimist, and the fact that the THPS series is almost non-existent in Pakistan outside RIDE for some reason, I was also ecstatic to play this new release.

Boy, was I disappointed.

The game is bare-bones; no wait, even bones are of some value to humanity. I am a very patient person, but this game was nothing but a menial chore. The UI is boring, the gameplay/game engine even moreso, and the graphics are abysmal. My entire review will just revolve around the second aspect, as the others are not worth going into detail.

The gameplay resembles that of Robomodo's previous attempt in the franchise, THPS HD (which I have also played). While that game has the nostalgia factor going for it, making it at worst bearable, this game is insane. I spent more time wrestling against the poor controls to even register what was supposed to be a grind than actually landing a decent combo. The sense of 'control' is all but lost in this entry, making me suffer endless amounts of viscous boredom just to acknowledge that, yes, I am indeed playing a Tony Hawk game. That viscous boredom turned into unadulterated rage when I tried to get all the achievements, which range from either pathetically easy to 'OH MY GOD SO MUCH GRINDING'.
*pun intended*

The ONLY thing worthwhile about this game is the soundtrack, which is sublime even when considering that Skrillex is included. That and the fact that Venice Beach from THPS2/HD makes a 'cameo appearance', but that Easter Egg is spoiled by the shit evacuated from the bowels of The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog that is this game.